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Family Counselling

You fell in love. The relationship was exciting, and the future was full of promise. You felt alive. After a few weeks, months, or years of cooperation, adjustment, and weathering conflicts, large and small, your partner no longer treats you the way he or she used to; you feel bored, angry, or repulsed. Whatever the course of events, you have become aware that the relationship as it seems now is insufferable.

You may be considering the option to leave and start all over again. Maybe you have children, or many years together. Maybe your personality, family, or tribal culture requires you "work it out." You may feel compelled to stay because this is your second or third intimate relationship and you fear the next one could end up the same way.

At the beginning of an intimate relationship, parts of ourselves are brought to life by the partner. You act or feel in ways you never did before. But over the course of time, what had been shared at the beginning of the relationship becomes oppressive. Your male partner is moody or overly sensitive. Your wife is opinionated or overly critical. He or she, who once was loved, becomes detestable. This is a very painful time, as intense as the time of falling in love, but in a negative way. So what cane be done?

You now both have dark, conflicted and rejected parts of each other.   It is not uncommon that the very aspect of your partner's personality that attracted you will now be the one that is driving you crazy, unless you are able to recognise that it is part of who you are.
 
What you now see in your partner actually belongs to you. Your main reproach may be that he or she is cold, or selfish. It is time to ask yourself: What in me is cold? What does selfishness awaken in me?
To be successful in a relationship, you need to have a lot of self-knowledge and to continue to learn as the union develops. Each of us brings a personal and cultural history to a relationship. We bring a personal and inter-actional style, as well as a whole lot of unconscious expectations.

It is often when we are at this stage that we need family counselling.    A counsellor will not give you answers but will ask you both questions that over a period of time will enable you to see your situation more clearly and find your own answers.

 
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